I’m a volunteer with the ladies youth life group at my church and I get a LOT of questions about dating and etc. Some of which I can answer and some i have no clue of myself. Its funny because as much as we grow up and have a lot of wisdom on the topic, as single women in the church there are still some blind spot areas. LO and BEHOLD while on twitter the question i have received and probably asked myself was posed and The Relationship Manager [Rachelle Miller] was happy to answer [via twitter]. Here’s the LoDown:
RelationshipMgr: Everyone shouldn’t begin at relationship phase w/ u. There should be a time to screen 4 compatibility before committing to relationship.
Question: How do you develop a friendship with someone to whom you’re attracted?
RM: We’re initially attracted to outer shell of a person (which changes over the years). Your job is to familiarize urself w/ the inner person.
RM: Bear this in mind: People rarely break up bcuz their mate isn’t attractive to them…they part over unattractive inner traits.
#RM: To build a friendship/explore inner traits, do a lot of TALKING. Have meaningful conversations.
#RM: When at PUBLIC places, do more talking. Face to face interaction shows non-verbals, which is over 90% of communication.
#RM: It’s hard to be friends w/ someone u can’t talk to… & u certainly don’t want a relationship w/ someone u can’t talk to.
#RM: Friends support one another. Become encouraging in things important to your potential mate.
#RM: Friends LISTEN to one another: Hear them out when they feel down or confused. Provide wise & heartfelt counsel.
#RM: Friends comfort one another. Bad news, death in family, a setback, etc. Be a shoulder to lean on.
#RM: Interact w/ them in group settings: how are they around their friends?…your friends? What’s reputation?
#RM: Ask Questions: ask open-ended questions that encourage sharing of self. Explore values, beliefs, goals, etc.
#RM: Friends FELLOWSHIP: have fun together. Share hobbies, share meals, attend events together, serve/volunteer together.
#RM: Be consistent. A friend loves at all times. Be kind loyal & supportive over time. Most of us desire enduring love.
#RM: Natural instincts make it easy to share the body…but sharing the heart? Much more difficult. Friendship = Exchange of Hearts.
Note: Apply liberally where needed but honestly, this advice is good for any relationship you’re in.