new life…

we’re reading one in a million by priscilla shirer in our small group and its really been an amazing and interesting journey. I’ve been thinking for the past couple of days and asking God to really show me what this last couple of months was for or about. like i want to learn the lesson and really grasp it. I don’t want to go on to the next thing without gleaning what it is i was supposed to learn and do. I want to make this next time/moment fruitful which means taking the new tools in my tool belt to heart.

I read in glamour magazine [btw: i don’t normally read that magazine] but i read something that i know and have read many times and for some reason it struck me in a different way. It said, ” You have to be who you want.”  YOU want an engaging, vulnerable, assertive, full of life, fun, pursuing God and compassionate man…then you should be that. we attract who were are.

I attracted who I was. not in totallity but definitely in part. He was passive and not really direct, uncommunicative and not very transparent at times. I wanted him to be something he wasn’t and frankly I wasn’t. I couldn’t wait for him to give me what I wanted and needed. it was something only God could do and until i received that…i couldn’t receive or let go of anything else. it wasnt until i dared to ask for what my heart really wanted that we were able to get anywhere. which was no where. it was scary. and it hurt but it was what i needed to go through and see and be pushed to do.

Which is funny because last week, in our teens ministry planning retreat we split into small groups and we talked a little about whats going on in our lives and I asked for prayer to be a leader. not shy away from the position or the demands of leadership. to be assertive. self starting and direct. all things i didn’t think was possible for me or “outside” my personality. but my personality was keeping me from the promised land.

which brings me back to the initial point about life group, we just had a really good talk about the season of wilderness or in between season we all feel like we’re in and what to do in those times which require acquiring the taste [like manna] of something new instead of the things of the past like fear and etc.

why is so hard for us to turn from those past things and embrace the dream/ promised land? why is it so hard to express those dreams? is it because we have to acquire a new palette? or is it the challenge of moving from who we “think” we are to who we are actually? hmmmm just some thoughts.

>>Prayer: Lord please breathe life into me. thank you for answering the prayer i didn’t pray which was for open eyes and open heart to who you’re creating in me and what you’re doing in me. thank you for bringing me to a place where i can lock eyes with you and take a look at whats in my hand and ask you to guide me in how to use it. help me to be an encourager. be transparent. be a leader. be assertive. don’t hold so much in. love people openly and freely.

photo via glitter guide tumblr

{please note: i don’t completely agree with the saying ‘you attract who you are’ but in my situation it proved apropo.}

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